Healing Journey ~ Mysteries

I was driving down the highway one day, years ago, heading home with a carload of groceries. Out of nowhere, I felt a strong urging to pray for Timothy. “What do I pray about?” I asked the Lord. Timothy had started attending public school that year, his 9th grade, to play football.

“Pray for his safety,” was the response I heard in my spirit.

That’s odd. I had never worried about my kids’ physical safety. I always believed God would take care of them, as long as they were in the center of His will. They were indestructible until their purpose was finished! But, sure, I’ll pray. I prayed that God would keep Timothy safe and protect him from harm.

Later, as I was putting away groceries, Timothy came in from school. He told me that he had been knocked out in football practice. He said when he came to, he found the coaches gathered around him, but didn’t know why. He was informed that he had had the “snot knocked out of him.” He tried to say no, he was fine; but the coach insisted he had been out cold. Then, probably equally as dangerous, he was allowed to drive himself home on his motorcycle! We compared notes and realized his bell-ringer happened at the same time that I was praying for him in my car!

This wasn’t the first time God had spoken to me in His still, small voice – I had often heard Him in my spirit throughout the years; telling me what to pray, giving me a word of warning, or directing me to a particular choice. So why didn’t God tell me to pray for Timothy’s safety when the wing broke off of the plane he was piloting?

Herb and I had been awake during the night - restless, walking, and talking - for two nights in a row before we heard the news about the crash. I had felt very troubled, but didn’t know why. I searched through the Bible but didn’t find anything that seemed to help or lift my anxiety. I saw the verse, “All thy children shall be taught of the Lord, and great shall be the peace of thy children.” However, I wasn’t worried about my children! I had listened to a sermon about "last days persecution" that day, and I thought that might be what was troubling me; but all I could find were scriptures about children. I finally went back to bed and said, “Lord, you’re just going to have to speak to me and give me peace.”

I was instantly reminded of Psalm 23: “The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want.”

“Yes, Lord, I know you will take care of us, like a good shepherd, no matter what happens. Not just me – my whole family.” At that point, I tried to shut down my mind and sleep. If I had continued meditating on Psalm 23, I would have recited, "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death..." Perhaps that would have spoken to my spirit and steeled me for what was to come.

But when we heard the news of Timothy's plane crash, our world exploded. I had no warning of any kind from the Lord. Surely something of this magnitude would warrant some communication from my Father, wouldn't it? I thought we had a close relationship! I wondered if there was something blocking me from hearing the Holy Spirit's voice? Had I somehow drifted from God - too far to hear His voice - and not even known it? I kept frantically searching my heart to find the problem.

Two weeks after the accident, it was Mother's Day, and the family all wanted to go to church together. I had not shared my dilemma with anyone, so the preacher had no idea what I needed to hear; but God did. The Sunday sermon was about the Shunammite woman whose son had died, and she came to Elijah for help (2 Kings 4:8-37). Elijah, always in the know, saw her coming and mentioned to his assistant, “She’s very upset, and the Lord has not told me about it. He has hidden it from me.”

God had been silent to Elijah the prophet! Elijah was still a man of God, still full of healing power; yet God had withheld this seemingly critical information from him. The scripture doesn’t explain this lack of communication, but Elijah didn't take the blame for it. He apparently had nothing to repent of.

It was a huge relief to think maybe there was nothing wrong with my relationship with God! He just chose to be silent, like He did with Elijah! But why?? Those restless nights when we couldn’t sleep, I had gone down my list of children, praying specifically for each one, but felt no urgency or fear for any of them. I had ended my prayer in the usual way, asking God to let them know how much I loved them.

“Lord, why didn’t You tell me to pray for Timothy’s safety, like You did when he was in school?” This question constantly swirled through my thoughts with no answer.

Finally, weeks (months?) later, as I was walking through the house, I heard His reply in my spirit, “I didn’t want you to pray.”

For some reason, after just 28 years on this planet, it was time for Timothy to exit this world and move to the next. God was telling me that prayer is powerful, and He didn’t want me to pray to keep Timothy here any longer. This time, my job was not to pray, but to trust.

Lord, help me to trust your heart, and rest in your plan, even when my own heart is shattered. Give me your peace that I can't understand myself. Show me how to continue walking. In the name of Jesus, the Good Shepherd, Amen.

"O God, be merciful to me for my soul trusts in You; And in the shadow of Your wings I will make my refuge, until these calamities have passed by." Psalm 57:1